To sleep, perchance to...Sleep?!

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It's Sunday morning.  I am bleary eyed, slurping on a strong coffee, ignoring the cataclysm-esque mess that is my living room and the squeals of delight from my daughter as she contributes to that mess with her aunties.  Her aunties (my sisters) are 10 and 6 years old and I had them for an overnight stay.  We had great fun but I'm dreading the point when I am going to have to face up to the carnage and start clearing it up!

I'm knackered.  Really tired.  I've not been posting this week because of it.  I'm so tired I thought I might be pregnant...but I've done a test and it's negative.  I'm prone to heart palpitations when I'm run down and tired and I've had them regularly this week.  Only little 10 second bursts but still, I know I'm run down when they come along.

Bubble's night-nursing has not abated one bit either.  In fact, she has been quite restless at night.  This is one of the major problems with co-sleeping.  If the little one is ill, uncomfortable or restless, you don't get a good night's sleep.  I've been awake at night, nearly tearing my hair out in frustration because Bubble won't settle.  It has made me think seriously about getting her out and into her own bed.

*yawn*

And yet, last night she cried out in her sleep (a bad dream perhaps) and I pulled her to me, her back to my tummy, and wrapped both my arms around her, whispering "it's ok Bubble, it's ok".  She reached her arm up and touched my face, said "Mama" and sighed.  Then fell into a deep and peaceful sleep that lasted til this morning.  When she woke, she woke with a big grin and held my face in both her chubby wee hands saying, "Mama?"

Moments like these are worth the frustrating times for me.

:o)

Please go to sleep

I’m shattered.  It took me an hour and twenty minutes to get Bubble to sleep.   It’s times like these I feel the frustration of my choices on my parenting of her.  I read all those books.  I made a ‘plan’.  But I chucked those books and that ‘plan’ out the window after one week.   I nurse her to sleep and she sleeps in my bed.  Two cardinal sins apparently.  When discussing having a second child with one of my longest standing friends, she reassured me that I wouldn’t make these mistakes again and I felt offended. (She meant well – I was offended by the comment not by her) I may not have set out to co-sleep or comfort nurse my daughter but I sure as hell don’t consider them mistakes.  I am not in any way hurting Bubble and, in hindsight, I would choose the same again.

I do however accept there are downsides to these particular parenting choices.  This evening is one such downside.  She would not fall asleep.  I lay next to her whilst she rolled about, popping on and off the breast as she chose.  I would breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth, internally chanting ‘patience, patience, patience’.  It helped that on occasion she would pause to look at me, grin and crawl over to put her little chubby arm around my neck, press her soft forehead to mine and babble ‘’Mamumumum’’. 

I adore this child.  She did eventually fall asleep.  I came downstairs, frustration and adoration mixing up my head.  I resent the loss of my own time.  I love that she is such a content and happy child.  Her mother is with her when she settles into slumber and is there when she awakes.  Still, this time won’t last forever.  I understand that there will come a time when she can’t stand the sight of me and I dread it. 

Just watching Juno.  What a great wee film.  Cracking soundtrack.  It has taken me three times as long to write this post as a result of watching Juno.  I am mainly into sci-fi and fantasy (LOTR style fantasy) but sometimes there’s a book or a film that just can’t be knocked.  Juno is one such film.  An excellently written script.

My husband just called on the phone.  He’s en route back to Scotland for work.  I told him what I was doing and he asked me what it was I blog about.  And do you know, I could not answer him cos I have no idea what I blog about.  I guess I’m just going to keep going and let Number Five find its own personality.  I suppose it’s a little like my parenting – I’m going to go with my instinct and let Bubble develop as naturally as possible.  If she isn’t ready to come off the breast, then I’m not going to force her.  Even if it takes me nearly an hour and a half of my precious time to get her to sleep.

She’s worth it.

:o)

Day Two...

So here I am, Day Number Two and I don't know what to write... Forgive me if this is just waffle.  I have a 15 month old daughter who is running me ragged at the minute and who definitely rules the roost!  I'm knackered just now.  I'm knackered just trying to knacker her out so I can have a few precious hours to myself in the evening!

I took her to our local 'Bumps and Babies' group today to say hi we're still alive and all that jazz (I haven't been in months on account of the fact my daughter is built like a tank and would flatten the poor newborns there if she tumbled in the wrong direction.  To be honest, she's just too old and I've no 'bump' so really have no need to go there anymore.) We also had a birthday gift for one of the kids who turned one last week but seeing as this kid is also too old to be at Bumps and Babies it was only a 50/50 chance whether we'd catch them.  We didn't.  So I just faffed about there awkwardly with my baby tank running amok around several small and alarmingly delicate looking babies.  In between polite chat and restraining my hyper daughter I was asked by one of the 'new' mums when she could expect her little one to start sleeping through the night.

HA.

My gut response was, "Do I look like I've frickin' slept in a year and a half?"
My actual response was something between a chuckle and a sigh.  Then I admitted that my daughter did not sleep through the night.

Intakes of breath and some sympathetic noises.  One girl asked if my daughter had a dummy or some other comforter when she went in to her cot.

My gut response was, "Yeah, my boob."
My actual response was the admission that I co-sleep.

Some surprised noises.  Encouraged by these I blundered on to admit that I still breastfeed her too.

Silence.

There's nothing quite so uplifting as knowing you have the sisterhood to support you in all the parenting choices you make as a mother.

*sigh*