That's Sick

"That's sick."
                                                                                       

This was the response I received from a woman recently at a family birthday party, when I told I still breastfed my 20 month old daughter.  This woman breastfed her own children til they were about 6 weeks old.  She was the most enjoyable company up until that point.  The feeling behind her statement took me completely by surprise.  She had been so affable and we'd be getting on like the proverbial house on fire.  

Have a look at the image of my daughter asleep on the breast...is that really so offensive?  What is so "sick" about breastfeeding a toddler?  Mothers give their toddlers dummies and bottles, don't they?  That's exactly what I'm doing, I'm just not replacing the original item with the modern counterpart.

I don't for one instant condemn the use of a bottle but I am starting to get a little hacked off at the way breastfeeding is perceived as an "alternative" form of feeding your child.  That you are in some way 'wacky' or 'eco-friendly' or (my personal favourite) an 'earth mother'.  The "breast is best" slogan is partially to blame for this, I believe.  Ramming such nonsense down vulnerable new mothers' throats is half the issue and can only lead to negativity towards those who breastfeed.  It gives ammunition to those coporate giants who would benefit financially by drawing mothers into different camps when choosing how to feed their child.

There should be no slogan at all.  Breast is NORMAL. At least, it should be.

Off the radar

image credit

I've been off the radar a bit.  I've been trying to get my head in gear.  Lots of little things have been trying me, not least that Bubble has upped her breastfeeding during the day to record amounts.  I'm pretty sure this is knackering me through her taking all my goodness so soon after being ill. (not seriously, Bubble and I just had a nasty headcold)  So I'm quite tired at the moment which means I'm less inclined to make the effort to post when Bubble hits the sack.

Another issue is a lond standing friend of mine has gone very cool on me. I'm used to her caustic humour but, of late, her comments have had an edge.  This is no new feeling.  Another of my long standing friends and I have been circling each other like cats for years now.  The loss of one is hard enough but the thought of losing the second is particularly upsetting.

I'm not an idiot.  I do wonder that it might be me and not them.  That I might just be one of those people who can't help but piss others off.  I really, really don't mean to.  I really, really don't know if I have but I certainly have no other explanation as to why the dislike creeps in.  I actually make a concerted effort to be as nice as possible.  But people do tire me.  I might not show it but I have very little patience for small-mindedness, bitching about others, judging others, hypocrisy, etc.  I could go on. 

Live and let live, I say.  If it's not hurting you or yours then who are you to complain?  Like long-term breastfeeding.  Yes my child is a toddler and she still breastfeeds.  No, it's none of your business.  I'm not hurting you, so why should you care?  It's not like I whop out a breast in the street and let her suckle but I do let her lead the breastfeeding in the privacy of my own home.  Which leads me back to the fact she's nursing ALOT. And that I'm tired.  Which means I'm a bit more sensitive than usual, I suppose.

Another addition to the pile is a frustated lead for our move to Australia.  It's not a 'no' but it's not a definitive 'yes'.  We need a 'yes' in our lives.  Wad and I need some light at the end of our tunnel.  We knew these hard times wouldn't be forever but we have to admit that on occasion it wears us down.  I was looking at photos of our travels back in 2006 and was shocked to see how much better and healthier Wad looked.  These last few years have really taken their toll on him.

I love my husband very much.  He works his backside off to keep us afloat.  It hurts me to see the change.

Keep your fingers crossed for us.

Keep your fingers crossed for a 'yes' in the near future.

:o)

Please go to sleep

I’m shattered.  It took me an hour and twenty minutes to get Bubble to sleep.   It’s times like these I feel the frustration of my choices on my parenting of her.  I read all those books.  I made a ‘plan’.  But I chucked those books and that ‘plan’ out the window after one week.   I nurse her to sleep and she sleeps in my bed.  Two cardinal sins apparently.  When discussing having a second child with one of my longest standing friends, she reassured me that I wouldn’t make these mistakes again and I felt offended. (She meant well – I was offended by the comment not by her) I may not have set out to co-sleep or comfort nurse my daughter but I sure as hell don’t consider them mistakes.  I am not in any way hurting Bubble and, in hindsight, I would choose the same again.

I do however accept there are downsides to these particular parenting choices.  This evening is one such downside.  She would not fall asleep.  I lay next to her whilst she rolled about, popping on and off the breast as she chose.  I would breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth, internally chanting ‘patience, patience, patience’.  It helped that on occasion she would pause to look at me, grin and crawl over to put her little chubby arm around my neck, press her soft forehead to mine and babble ‘’Mamumumum’’. 

I adore this child.  She did eventually fall asleep.  I came downstairs, frustration and adoration mixing up my head.  I resent the loss of my own time.  I love that she is such a content and happy child.  Her mother is with her when she settles into slumber and is there when she awakes.  Still, this time won’t last forever.  I understand that there will come a time when she can’t stand the sight of me and I dread it. 

Just watching Juno.  What a great wee film.  Cracking soundtrack.  It has taken me three times as long to write this post as a result of watching Juno.  I am mainly into sci-fi and fantasy (LOTR style fantasy) but sometimes there’s a book or a film that just can’t be knocked.  Juno is one such film.  An excellently written script.

My husband just called on the phone.  He’s en route back to Scotland for work.  I told him what I was doing and he asked me what it was I blog about.  And do you know, I could not answer him cos I have no idea what I blog about.  I guess I’m just going to keep going and let Number Five find its own personality.  I suppose it’s a little like my parenting – I’m going to go with my instinct and let Bubble develop as naturally as possible.  If she isn’t ready to come off the breast, then I’m not going to force her.  Even if it takes me nearly an hour and a half of my precious time to get her to sleep.

She’s worth it.

:o)

Dear Lord...you can't be serious!!

Found a 'debate' on breastfeeding from another blog (Milkbug).

It's appearance has timed nicely with my earlier rant.

Grrrr. Click here.

What is your problem?!

No really, WHAT is your effin' problem?!? I thought to myself whilst nursing my daughter in a discreet corner of our local doctor's surgery today.  Not discreet enough apparently, for the woman sitting lengthways from me, with a face on her like a slapped arse.  You'd think I'd farted.  But no, all I was doing was breastfeeding my 15 month old baby. 

Did I mention said woman was sitting beneath a 'You are welcome to breastfeed here' sign?  The irony.

Bubble has had a temperature for 3 days so this morning I got her an appointment to get checked out at our doctor's.  She has been completely out of sorts, will not eat much of anything and is 50/50 on whether she'll drink something so I went back to nursing her on demand as the weather here has been glorious these past couple of days (amazing I know...sun in NI).  Why would good weather encourage you to BF?  I hear you wonder.  Dehydration, I'd respond.

You see,  when my daughter has a fall or is hurt or upset, she wants the breast as comfort.  She is unwell at the moment (turned out to be an ear infection) and so doesn't understand why she feels so awful.  A quiet breastfeed helps to soothe her and comfort her.  It also guarantees that Bubble is being kept hydrated in the hot weather AND getting some form of nutrition when she doesn't feel like eating.  All in all, it helps her combat any illness she's struck with.

I'd say that's fairly logical so WHY do some people have an issue with what is an entirely natural (and sensible) thing to do for your child?

It ASTOUNDS me that it's women who give me the most grief for still breastfeeding.  I have been attending a BF Support group locally but I no longer feel comfortable going because it is clear that the women there are uncomfortable with the idea of nursing a child as old as my daughter.

Why are people so offended by it?  I lay the blame entirely on the sexualisation of women's breasts in Western society.  I have been accused in the past of 'enjoying' breastfeeding.  Of course I enjoy it!!  It wouldn't make sense to not enjoy it!!  But that's not what they mean... they mean I'm getting some kind of sexual kick from it.  What bullshit.  Get a grip.  Get informed. 

I'm fed up being looked at the way I was looked at in the surgery today. 

Day Two...

So here I am, Day Number Two and I don't know what to write... Forgive me if this is just waffle.  I have a 15 month old daughter who is running me ragged at the minute and who definitely rules the roost!  I'm knackered just now.  I'm knackered just trying to knacker her out so I can have a few precious hours to myself in the evening!

I took her to our local 'Bumps and Babies' group today to say hi we're still alive and all that jazz (I haven't been in months on account of the fact my daughter is built like a tank and would flatten the poor newborns there if she tumbled in the wrong direction.  To be honest, she's just too old and I've no 'bump' so really have no need to go there anymore.) We also had a birthday gift for one of the kids who turned one last week but seeing as this kid is also too old to be at Bumps and Babies it was only a 50/50 chance whether we'd catch them.  We didn't.  So I just faffed about there awkwardly with my baby tank running amok around several small and alarmingly delicate looking babies.  In between polite chat and restraining my hyper daughter I was asked by one of the 'new' mums when she could expect her little one to start sleeping through the night.

HA.

My gut response was, "Do I look like I've frickin' slept in a year and a half?"
My actual response was something between a chuckle and a sigh.  Then I admitted that my daughter did not sleep through the night.

Intakes of breath and some sympathetic noises.  One girl asked if my daughter had a dummy or some other comforter when she went in to her cot.

My gut response was, "Yeah, my boob."
My actual response was the admission that I co-sleep.

Some surprised noises.  Encouraged by these I blundered on to admit that I still breastfeed her too.

Silence.

There's nothing quite so uplifting as knowing you have the sisterhood to support you in all the parenting choices you make as a mother.

*sigh*